How wonderful, am I right?!
She’s morphine, queen of my vaccine.
In retrospect though, I like to lurk deeper than my metaphorical love for myself.
Sometimes I dwell in the madness that resides deep under my skin. I want to hide and be seen. I want to dig my teeth into flesh and be bitten. Tamed and ridden. I want to show all that I have to offer so I can be given even more than I can handle. I like being teased and pushed to my brink of insanity. Because I am never truly sane. I am waiting to be stimulated mentally to show all that I am, is both mental and physical. I am nearly delirious at any given moment. Don’t ask me to distinguish between reality and fantasy because I blend them both with my color palate. Im ready to ramble and roll on my back at any given point of any day. I’m excited by the wandering eyes. Im excited period.
In contrast to my previous post.
When I put my body on display like this, it is the most I can give. I like the awkwardness. The realness of it all. The most I can show. Im saying here I am, take me as I am and interpret me as you will. Hold me to as high of a regard as you please, because there can be no harm done. I’ve already put myself through the ringer of judgement. I have decided that I am ok like this. I am ok with this. I have accepted myself and accepted others. I love seeing people and what they have to share and to offer and I respect that. I respect our natures, no matter how diverse or unusual.
The feeling of being held together by a string. At any time I may come undone. Unraveling to expose a certain allure. I like knowing that I can come undone at the drop of a hat.
I like to obsess over teasing and sucking.
Lovely little sea shells here and lots of nice people and expensive gifts. Riding the bus on the island is great. And today Im going hiking.
Here I am, ready. Outstretched and yearning. Craving something we seek but cannot have. Questions I dare not ask, hang on my lips, coating my mouth so i can speak, they relay from my mind to my clamped vocal cords. I want to know what, how, who, where and why? and why not? I desperately want to know, to seek knowledge that I will never have. But I am not willing to sacrifice for the answers. We have been created with fatal flaws, and alas I wane. So we spend this life marveling over the unknown and the coincidences. We spend this life fixated on what we know and on the simple things. Because there is only black and white when it comes to the unanswerable.
Dancing is a way of rewarding my body for being so orderly throughout the common day. Letting loose and escaping into myself. Music comes through my pores. Bones meld into a single elastic vine, growing flowers through my eyes. Absorbing colors, I feel them like sounds. I feel the colors. I am one with the string theory of quantum mechanics. No longer am I a solid but a fluid, vibrating and churning with the molecules around. I am compressed and stretched. I am not an I. I am nothing. Nothing that absorbs the world. Absorbs the senses. Then I dance freely. Then I am a soul gliding with other souls, but we are not lost. We are finally whole.