beads and jewels and shiny things
tight skin stretched over a mermaid dream
I love when the hot water gets my skin all ablaze!
sweltering warm love,
bite into it.
Skin for days
I want to stay in this spot, from which I was bore and tis here I will lay when I die.
I am a statue, carved from marble. Exacted with cleverness and an eye for detail.
soft, fine tuned curves erupt like volcanoes, from a chisel and mallet.
I am so aware, and yet still so naive.
Move me, but don’t take me away.
Patient and kind, and dull.
Nothing is going her way,
but all she does is wait
because she thinks that things will change
and her life will eventually have meaning
and wonder
and love
and no one notices anything is aloof.
And it is all her fault because she could have spoken up at any time
But she was raised to be a lady
whatever the hell that means.
There is so much deeper meaning here. So much.
This is entirely true:
I once had a vivid dream, where I was made entirely of compacted sugar. It was a nightmare. In this dream, my entire body ached every moment of every day. You see, it ached because of the texture you get when you rub two sugar cubes together. That texture dominated my entire self, from walking to just moving my eyeballs. It honestly made me appreciate and value every moment I forced myself to make. Every night I had to lay uncomfortably between to body molds to keep my physical shape in tact, or risk falling apart, grain by grain.
I couldn’t go outside, period.
Too sunny and I would caramelize and too rainy, I would dissolve.
I made the mistake of going to rinse my hands before eating, and watched them disintegrate before my eyes. I was crippled so instantly in nearly took my breath away. And such pain, I have never felt anything more agonizing. My sugar crystal hands washed down the drain and took away the only ounce of normalcy I had left.
Soon after I began harming myself; sticking my arm out my bedroom window in the sun, feeling my burning skin caramelizing and drip off like it had never been there before. The pain was all I wanted, because it took the place of vitality. It became the only thing keeping me human, the only thing I could feel.
I ran and jumped and lost clumps of myself, I dipped my feet in the bath to remember what warm water used to feel like. I drank and ate and disgusted my translucent, white self with chewed brownish globs of food and holes boring through from iced tea.
Disfigured and constantly aching brought burning tears down my face. I went to lick the salty tears and tasted sweet, invoking flavors from my childhood. Memories of your parents giving you ice cream after you get your tonsils removed. Sweet treats calm all wounds. I licked again, and then nibbled and bit then gnawed. I could feel what I feared most taking over and controlling me. My will to live was no stronger than my will to collapse into myself. So I swallowed whole gulps until there was hardly nothing left.
And I rolled my stump of a crumbly, sugary head out the door and into the rain, and dissolved. I washed down the sidewalks and over clumps of dust and dirt, and down the drains and gutters and into the raw, digested belly of the world, and made it a little sweeter.
I can’t be happier.
We all get sleepy sometimes. My boyfriend thinks Im a sleepy angel.
Regal in my own regards.
Classy on my own time.
Im a lady always,
without compromise.
Im a human being above all,
and Im staying true to myself and to you.
The beauty of human beings is inevitable,
that beauty is sometimes raw, naked and without “glamorizing”
real people need a chance to shine, on their own terms.
How wonderful, am I right?!
Very much myself. Very much a celestial manifestation of the truth.
As a statue stands, I stand. Stoic and unmoving.
Approachable and yielding.
Pale umber waves cascade from fingertip to toe.
Inevitably mountains will move ,
but today we all stand still.
Embodying all my hopes and all my dreams, all my flaws and insecurities. Everything I wish to gain an protect along with all the fun and richness I can drink from this life. Hidden, is all the dark and all the psychoanalytic perspective and all the subconscious unknowingly floating side by side my whimsical body. Encasing a soul that holds treasures so immense.
Coated in thought and imagination.
Im enjoying all of my classes so far, and getting all my work done on time. But I haven’t had time for much else. Trying to enjoy the little things and see the big picture at once, really stresses your eyesight. But what is life for, if not to push boundaries.
Everything feels exciting and it’s all a rush.